HANDJOBS AND SANDPAPER
What else is troubling me?
Mickey Mouse’s birthday being announced on the television news as if it’s an actual event. I don’t give a shit! If I cared about Mickey Mouse’s birthday, I’d have memorized it years ago, and I’d send him a card.
“Dear Mickey, Happy birthday. Love, George.”
I don’t do that. Why? Don’t give a shit. Fuck Mickey Mouse. Fuck him in the asshole with a big, rubber dick. Then break it off and beat him with the rest of it.
I hope Mickey dies. I do. I hope he goddamned dies. I hope he gets a hold of some tainted cheese, and dies lonely and forgotten behind the baseboard of a soiled bathroom in a poor neighborhood, with his hand in Goofy’s pants.
Mickey Mouse. No wonder no one in the world takes our country seriously. We waste valuable television time informing our citizens of the age of an imaginary rodent!
― George Carlin *
* George Carlin:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qt9WNI8LI9M
The truth is harder to come by than a handjob administered with sandpaper gloves.
Read? Gimme a break. Read facts?! No fucking way!
Trash that Melatonin, Restoril and Valerian Root! Enroll in a high school history course. It's a guaranteed remedy for insomnia.
We all know textbooks are as dry and unsavory as the sex life of a morbidly obese centenarian with a raging case of Herpes Simplex 10.
For your sake, I’ll make this introduction the perfect porn actress — short and sweet.
Most of humanity — the author included — views Hitler as a monster. To Eva Braun and a handful of Nazi officers, though, ol' Adolf was just another fun-lovin' dude, on the trail of a hot meal and a decent piece of ass.
Point being, although the facts within this blog are true, what you do with them is your business. All topics herein have been meticulously researched, and ample resources provided by which you can conduct your own investigations.
What follows is the result of thousands of E-mails — carefully crafted and sent to all three of the author’s friends. Since my head is thicker than the blast doors at Cheyenne Mountain, it only took me five years to realize my Internet acquaintances could give a rat’s ass whether or not their own government had dropped live nuclear bombs on them.
My numerous Facebook postings concerning an asteroid the size of the Rose Bowl hurtling toward Earth, were overshadowed by online pals diligently attempting to determine which Michael Jackson song best represented their personality. I chuckle at it now, even though it remains quite disturbing.
Let's be honest. The majority of people are oblivious when it comes to the truth. Moreover, most individuals will claw tooth and nail to remain so.
Unraveled 2 takes a different path.
Things aren't what you've been led to believe. I’m hopeful you'll question all you're told, including the information herein. Via questioning comes research. Through research comes knowledge.
I’m not lookin' to overturn the proverbial apple cart with this blog, but if the fruit's rotten, I ain’t eatin’ any more pies made from it.
Feel free to hang on to that high school history text, though. You never know when you'll run out of kindling, and need to start a decent fire.
Every magic trick consists of three parts, or acts.
The first part is called the Pledge. The magician shows you something ordinary.
The second act is called the Turn. The magician takes the ordinary something, and makes it into something extraordinary. But you wouldn’t clap yet, because making something disappear isn’t enough. You have to bring it back.
Now you’re looking for the secret, but you won’t find it because, of course, you’re not really looking. You don’t really want to work it out. You want to be…fooled.
― The Prestige *
* The Prestige:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GZc3EsElqeA
I will say then that I am not, nor ever have been in favor of bringing about in any way the social and political equality of the white and black races, [applause] — that I am not nor ever have been in favor of making voters or jurors of negroes, nor of qualifying them to hold office, nor to intermarry with white people; and I will say in addition to this that there is a physical difference between the white and black races which I believe will for ever [sic] forbid the two races living together on terms of social and political equality. And inasmuch as they cannot so live, while they do remain together there must be the position of superior and inferior, and I as much as any other man am in favor of having the superior position assigned to the white race.
— Abraham Lincoln, former President of the United States
These politicians love their run-on sentences, don't they? Must get paid by the word.
Yes, this is an actual quote spoken by Abraham Lincoln. It was delivered during the Lincoln-Douglas Debates of 1858 — an Illinois senatorial polemic with Democratic Party nominee Stephen A. Douglas.
During these verbal battles, the two combatants argued primarily over the subject of slavery. Douglas appeared immovable in his belief of popular sovereignty, which would allow the individual states to determine for themselves whether or not they endorsed subjugation. Lincoln seemed opposed to the expansion of slavery, but made numerous contradictory remarks when politically appropriate.
So, the above quote was uttered by the man who, in 1861, would be inaugurated as the official 16th President of the United States.
The word racism is defined by thefreedictionary.com as: "the belief that race accounts for differences in human character or ability and that a particular race is superior to others." *
* Racism:
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/racism
Merriam-Webster's online lexicon denotes racism as: "a belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race." **
** Racism [2]:
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/racism
Dictionary.com asserts racism is: "a belief or doctrine that inherent differences among the various human racial groups determine cultural or individual achievement, usually involving the idea that one's own race is superior and has the right to dominate others or that a particular racial group is inferior to the others." ***
*** Racism [3]:
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/racism?s=t
Via Lincoln's above quote, it seems the 16th President of the U.S. was the epitome of what these reference sources define as a racist. Even more bizarre is the fact that Lincoln is often referred to as the best Commander-in-Chief in United States history. Check out online listings of Top Ten U.S. Presidents. Lincoln consistently ranks in the top three — most often first. ****
**** Historical rankings of Presidents of the United States:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Historical_rankings_of_Presidents_of_the_United_States
If Abraham Lincoln was a racist, and he's heralded as the best President of the United States ever, what were the attributes of the worst? A predilection for cannibalism? A penchant for serial killing? A desire to expose oneself in front of nursing homes, while driving black cars on Sunday in Denver, Colorado?
When you consider Lincoln's face has been immortalized on Mount Rushmore, as well as the U.S. penny and five dollar bill, the possibility of Abe being a racist enters the domain of the surreal. There are those who claim the societal norm in the 19th century was to be a supremacist. I don't dispute your assertion. I’m solely underscoring the fact that high school history books portray President Abraham Lincoln as a Commander-in-Chief determined to create equality between all races.
In addition, just because everyone else is an asshole, does that make it right to follow suit?
Perhaps a few more of Lincoln's quotes will shed light upon his beliefs regarding bigotry.
I have no purpose, directly or indirectly, to interfere with the institution of slavery in the states where it exists. I believe I have no lawful right to do so, and I have no inclination to do so.
— Abraham Lincoln, the Lincoln-Douglas Debates, 1858
I will add to this that I have never seen to my knowledge a man, woman or child who was in favor of producing a perfect equality, social and political, between negroes and white men.
— Abraham Lincoln, the Lincoln-Douglas Debates, 1858
My paramount object in this struggle [the American Civil War] is to save the Union, and is not either to save or to destroy slavery. If I could save the Union without freeing any slave, I would do it, and if I could save it by freeing all the slaves I would do it; and if I could save it by freeing some and leaving others alone I would also do that.
What I do about slavery, and the colored race, I do because I believe it helps to save the Union...
— President Abraham Lincoln, in a letter to Horace Greeley, August 22, 1862
You can uncover most of that last one at the Lincoln Memorial, itself. Bizarre, huh? Well, George Lopez is famous, and Mark Wahlberg has a third nipple, so perhaps bizarre is subjective, these days.
Judge Douglas has said to you that he has not been able to get from me an answer to the question whether I am in favor of negro citizenship. So far as I know, the Judge never asked me the question before. He shall have no occasion to ever ask it again, for I tell him very frankly that I am not in favor of negro citizenship.
— Abraham Lincoln, the Lincoln-Douglas Debates, 1858
Now my opinion is that the different States have the power to make a negro a citizen under the Constitution of the United States if they choose. The Dred Scott decision decides that they have not that power. If the State of Illinois had that power I should be opposed to the exercise of it.
— Abraham Lincoln, the Lincoln-Douglas Debates, 1858
Upon inauguration as president, one of Lincoln's initial acts was the attempted passing of the Corwin Amendment. Had partial secession of the South not already occurred, this legislation would have prohibited the federal government from tampering with slavery in any state.
Add the fact that Abe was one of the leaders of the Illinois Colonization Society — an organization determined to remove free blacks from the Prairie State — and Lincoln's love for all races becomes no more than the same ol' propaganda we're forced-fed in school.
However, Abraham Lincoln was also cited as stating:
When I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.
But Honest Abe was also known to quote the Bible when it suited his motives, even though he never joined a church, didn't formally belong to any religion and purportedly wrote an essay denouncing Christianity.
Let's just say if some obvious racist in a stove pipe hat drove down the streets of South Central today, promulgating the above quotes, he wouldn't be elected president. In fact, he'd probably be shot.
Sources:
Books:
DiLorenzo, Thomas, J.; Morris, Joseph A. (2008). Abraham Lincoln: Friend or Foe of American Freedom?. The Heartland Institute. ISBN: 1934791059
DiLorenzo, Thomas, J. (2006). Lincoln Unmasked: What You're Not Supposed to Know About Dishonest Abe. Three Rivers Press. ISBN: 0307338428
Lincoln, Abraham; Douglas, Stephen, A. (1858, 1958, 1991). The Complete Lincoln-Douglas Debates of 1858. University of Chicago Press. ISBN: 0226020843
Online Movies:
Q & A: Thomas J. DiLorenzo:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nbFty9nZUac&feature=related
Online Sources:
American Colonization Society:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_Colonization_Society
Colonization Societies:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Colonization_Societies
Corwin Amendment:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Corwin_Amendment
Lincoln-Douglas Debates of 1858:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lincoln%E2%80%93Douglas_debates_of_1858
Lysander Spooner:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lysander_Spooner
All the words on the wall
Look the same in the mirror
Every riddle and every clue.
You’ve got Allah in the east
You’ve got Jesus in the west
Christ, what’s a man to do?
They’ll find a cure for anything
Just kill the pain, or numb my brain
We see a man speakin’ the word of God
Proven to be a fraud
His own church applauds
Stop lookin’ out, start lookin’ in
Be your own best friend
― Van Halen *
* Van Halen:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IVH7mHldMOo
Should you profess to be Jewish, Anglican, Orthodox or Reformed Christian, you probably know the Sixth Commandment states "Thou shall not murder." Even so, the God of the Old Testament not only condones killing, but demands it. Although this assertion sounds more ridiculous than the possibility of Danny DeVito winning the NBA Slam Dunk Contest, the following quotes can be found in the prior dogmatic doctrine.
Think You're Bad Enough to Take On Dad? Think Again
Good news, parents! You've got a friend in the Lord!
Anyone who attacks his father or his mother must be put to death.
— Exodus 21:15
Don't Call Mom and Dad @$$#*!%$
Anyone who curses his father or mother must be put to death.
— Exodus 21:16
Every parent's favorite book of the Old Testament? Exodus.
Lance Bass, Runnin' Scared
If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.
— Leviticus 20:13
Ah, yes. The origins of homophobia. Vegas odds says whomever coined this one was a closet homosexual.
Kill Nonbelievers
They entered into a covenant to seek the Lord, the God of their fathers, with all their heart and soul. All who would not seek the Lord, the God of Israel, were to be put to death, whether small or great, man or woman.
— 2 Chronicles 15:12–13
So, he’s omnipotent, but he’s jealous? Opening an ice hockey store in the Sahara Desert makes more sense.
The Ultimate Wedding Present: Killing the Bride
If, however, the charge is true and no proof of the girl's virginity can be found, she shall be brought to the door of her father's house and there the men of her town shall stone her to death. She has done a disgraceful thing in Israel by being promiscuous while still in her father's house. You must purge the evil from among you.
— Deuteronomy 22:20–21
Wouldn't these dudes with the rocks face the death penalty, nowadays?
Slaughter an Entire Town For Worshiping Another God
If you hear it is said about one of the towns the Lord your God is giving you to live in that wicked men have arisen among you and have led the people of their town astray, saying, 'Let us go and worship other gods' [gods you have not known], then you must inquire, probe and investigate it thoroughly. And if it is true and it has been proved that this detestable thing has been done among you, you must certainly put to the sword all who live in that town. Destroy it completely, both its people and its livestock.
— Deuteronomy 13:12–15
More dead than The Chevy Chase Show, baby!
Slain For Enslaving Oneself on the Sabbath
Observe the Sabbath, because it is holy to you. Anyone who desecrates it must be put to death; whoever does any work on that day must be cut off from his people. For six days, work is to be done, but the seventh day is a Sabbath of rest, holy to the Lord. Whoever does any work on the Sabbath, must be put to death.
— Exodus 32:14–15
Imagine some poor Jewish guy wakin' up late after a night of binge drinking. He's not certain what day it is. He races to work, figurin' he's gonna get fired.
Upon arriving, he's surprised to discover the office deserted. Deducing everybody must be at lunch, he's certain he can pull out of this kamikaze nosedive if he shows initiative.
Three hundred cold calls and 85 TPS reports later, the realization sucker punches him like the fist of a 400 pound, dirty boxer. It's Saturday!
Rape and Infanticide, Anyone?
Whoever is captured […] will fall by the sword. Their infants will be dashed to pieces before their eyes; their houses will be looted and their wives ravished. See, I will stir up against them the Medes [an ancient culture of Iranian peoples], who do not care for silver and have no delight in gold. Their bows will strike down the young men; they will have no mercy on infants nor will they look with compassion on children.
— Isaiah 13:15–18
The Child Welfare League of America may have a little something to say about this one.
Mass Murder: It's Not Just For Governments Anymore
This is what the Lord Almighty says: "[…] Now go, attack the Amalekites and totally destroy everything that belongs to them. Do not spare them; put to death men and women, children and infants, cattle and sheep, camels and donkeys."
— Samuel 15:2–3
Nobody wants to work as a toilet bowl cleaner in a laxative testing facility, but on this particular day, I’d have taken that gig over bein' an Amalekite.
A Hot Piece of Ass
If a priest's daughter defiles herself by becoming a prostitute, she disgraces her father; she must be burned in the fire.
— Leviticus 21:9
We may not know who authored the Old Testament, but Leviticus was written by a dude.
Fun-Lovin' Folks Forced to Kill
A curse on him who is lax in doing the Lord's work! A curse on him who keeps his sword from bloodshed!
— Jeremiah 48:10
You collect swords; you've got 10,000 pieces in your assemblage; you're also a devout Jew who takes the Old Testament literally. You can do the math here.
Jews Kick Butt!
When the trumpets sounded, the people shouted, and at the sound of the trumpet, when the people gave a loud shout, the wall collapsed; so every man charged straight in, and they took the city. They [Israelites; a.k.a. Jews] devoted the city to the Lord and destroyed with the sword every living thing in it, men and women, young and old, cattle, sheep and donkeys.
— Joshua 6:20–21
Donkeys were apparently thirsty for human blood at one point, and a serious threat to us all.
Babylon Sucks!
"Attack the land of Merathaim (Babylon) and those who live in Pekod. Pursue, kill and completely destroy them," declares the Lord.
— Jeremiah 50:21
Anybody who lives in a town called Pekod — and refers to him, or herself, as a Pekodite — is begging for a substantial ass kicking.
We're Tired of Killing; When Do We Get to Rape?
When you march up to attack a city, make its people an offer of peace. If they accept and open their gates, all the people in it shall be subject to forced labor and shall work for you. If they refuse to make peace and they engage you in battle, lay siege to that city. When the Lord your God delivers it into your hand, put to the sword all the men in it.
As for the women, the children, the livestock and everything else in the city, you may take these as plunder for yourselves. And you may use the plunder the Lord your God gives you from your enemies. This is how you are to treat all the cities that are at a distance from you and do not belong to the nations nearby.
— Deuteronomy 20:10–15
Can't we just beat up some more donkeys?
What Rape Victim Wouldn't Want to Marry Her Attacker?
If a man happens to meet a virgin who is not pledged to be married and rapes her and they are discovered, he shall pay the girl's father fifty sheckels [sic] of silver. He must marry the girl [and] can never divorce her as long as he lives.
— Deuteronomy 22:28–29
Last I knew, a shekel was more worthless than a soft drink at the late Dean Martin's house. Dad's really receiving the shaft on this one.
Shit, Am I Glad This Isn't a Law
If a man is found sleeping with another man's wife, both the man who slept with her and the woman must die.
— Deuteronomy 22:22
Three-quarters of humanity would be dead if this decree were ever enforced.
The Big Three: Polygamy, Rape and Baby Killing
This is what the Lord says: "Out of your own household I am going to bring calamity upon you. Before your very eyes I will take your wives and give them to one who is close to you, and he will lie with your wives in broad daylight. You did it in secret, but I will do this thing in broad daylight before all Israel."
Then David said to Nathan, "I have sinned against the Lord."
Nathan replied, "The Lord has taken away your sin. You are not going to die. But because by doing this you have made the enemies of the Lord show utter contempt, the son born to you will die."
— 2 Samuel 12:11–14
Little did God know, Dave never wanted the kid, anyway, and the condom broke.
Do people read their Bibles? If so, how do they justify sendin' their kids to Sunday school or synagogues to learn that God demands they kill, rape and steal? The concept is incongruous.
Sources:
Books:
Life Application Study Bible: "NIV" New International Version. (1984). Tyndale House Publishers and Zondervan, Inc. ISBN: 0310941466
Online Sources:
Murder in the Bible:
http://www.evilbible.com/Murder.htm
Rape in the Bible:
http://www.evilbible.com/Rape.htm
The Bayer Company — the same corporation that produces Bayer aspirin — invented, and sold, heroin. Big Pharma, baby! Puttin' it all on the line for the common man!
It was the late 19th century, and the Bayer Company was on the prowl for a cough medicine lacking addictive side effects. Although aspirin seemed promising, the corporation was far more intrigued by a narcotic known as diacetylmorphine, brought to their attention by an in-house chemist. The drug in question induced a feeling of heroism, according to its test subjects. Since Bayer is a pharmaceutical company based in Germany, human guinea pigs used the term "heroisch" — German for heroic — to describe their experiences while under the influence of diacetylmorphine. Hence, the eventual name of the drug.
According to The Sunday Times in London, by 1899, Bayer was crankin' out a literal ton of heroin per year, and sellin' their brand of legalized euphoria to 23 different countries.
In 1907, the American Medical Association approved the drug, which today physicians know to be highly addictive, and quite often fatal, if used over a protracted period of time. Comforting, isn't it?
By 1913, Bayer reached the same conclusion, after some of its best customers suffered adverse side effects, such as death, through continued consumption of the smack. The corporation wisely chose to discontinue heroin from its product line. Instead, Bayer decided to promote another one of its inventions, the far less potent aspirin, which only causes the digestive system — including one’s asshole — to bleed.
Sources:
Books:
Kick, Russ. (2003). 50 Things You're Not Supposed To Know. The Disinformation Company Ltd. ISBN: 0971394288
Online Sources:
Heroin history:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heroin#History
When Heroin Was Legal:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/magazine/4647018.stm
All governments are liars and murderers.
― Bill Hicks *
* Bill Hicks:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mjuu89B-Myc
On February 5th, 1958, the United States Air Force accidentally dropped a Mark 15 hydrogen bomb on the unsuspecting city of Savannah, Georgia. This nuclear explosive, now lost somewhere along the coastline of the aforementioned metropolitan area, is still considered live.
"What the hell?!" you scream. "How come we haven’t heard about this?!"
Well, the bomb in question never detonated. Not yet, anyway.
For some odd reason, during the Cold War, the U.S. government felt that constantly flying live nuclear weapons above its citizens — under directives known as Operations Chrome Dome, Giant Lance, Hard Head, Head Start and Round Robin — would somehow make these individuals more safe. At their pinnacle, these military initiatives were comprised of 12 B-52s aloft at all times, with a bomber being refueled in the air every six minutes.
Talk about a recipe for disaster! It's like pumpin' an out-of-shape Paula Deen full of cocaine and laxatives, throwin' her in a kitchen with greased floors, and wondering if she'll encounter any problems.
February 5th, 1958, was a fun day for USAF pilot Howard Richardson. Whilst flying a mission that found the captain, his B-47 and four F-86 Sabres transporting a Mark 15 hydrogen bomb, something went terribly wrong. One of the escorting fighters broke formation, colliding with the right wing of the bomber aircraft. As a result, an outer engine of the Stratojet dangled precariously, no longer operational.
Richardson assessed the airplane, as heavy as it was, couldn't remain aloft. The pilot's only recourse was to lighten the load.
Since the thermonuclear weapon the B-47 was carrying weighed approximately 7,600 pounds, it was first to go. Under the misconception the explosive was unarmed, Richardson jettisoned the bomb over what he believed was the Atlantic Ocean. Although Howard's intentions were good, the nuclear device ended up dropping into the shallow water of Wassaw Sound, along the coastline of Savannah, Georgia.
But wait. This just gets better! Turns out the device — which remains lost along the Peach State seaboard — might still be armed. "Kids, grab your trunks! Time for a swim!"
Should the bomb detonate, Savannah would be annihilated by an explosion the equivalent of 3.8 billion pounds of dynamite. Compare that to the paltry 40 million pounds of TNT discharged by the Fat Man blast at Nagasaki, Japan, in which at least 39,000 people were killed instantly.
Although the military attempted to recover the Savannah device, they were unsuccessful. Six weeks was all the U.S. devoted to the search for the missing ordnance. Eventually, the government concluded they could simply buy a new bomb for less than they were spending in pursuit of the old one.
So, when contemplating a family vacation, consider takin' the tribe to Savannah, Georgia, where the city slogan should be, "Come on in. The water's fine!"
Sources:
Online Movies:
Nuclear Rescue 911: Broken Arrows & Incidents:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2eFHJdAzBFA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YR0hIBH_5Lc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Kbo1kYpU0k
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E-KIKOqnjD8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1S28hwDMUyc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Oj104jHrVA
Trials of Flight: A Special Addition: Lost Bombs:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PivMnCgO8n0
Online Sources:
1958 Tybee Island mid-air collision:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1958_Tybee_Island_B-47_crash
For 50 Years, Nuclear Bomb Lost in Watery Grave:
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=18587608
Status of World Nuclear Forces:
http://www.fas.org/programs/ssp/nukes/nuclearweapons/nukestatus.html
Numerous individuals can lay claim to the fact they were once presidents of the U.S. How many people, though, can truthfully assert they've been delegated Emperor of the United States?
Only one, and his name was Joshua Norton. Migrating from England to San Francisco in 1849, Norton rapidly amassed a small fortune, only to watch it all slip away by 1858.
Absconding from society for nine months, Norton re-turned in 1859, clutching a written proclamation declaring him Emperor of the United States, as designated by American citizens. For whatever reason, The San Francisco Bulletin — a regional newspaper at the time — printed this peculiar admission.
Even more astounding was the fact that San Franciscans embraced this self-proclaimed monarch's reign. A local print shop circulated monetary notes in Norton’s name. With said legal tender, our indomitable leader was able to dine at the finest restaurants, and shop in the most extravagant markets.
During his tenure, Norton dissolved Congress, eradicated the Union, worked toward relieving the Bible of what he deemed "false lights," and pronounced himself official Protector of Mexico.
Among Norton's lesser accomplishments was a moratorium on the word "Frisco," which San Franciscans despise. According to royal proclamation, anyone observed employing the repugnant "F word" would be fined 25 dollars, which was retained by the coffers of the Imperial Treasury.
For a period of time, the Grand Hotel in San Francisco even provided free lodging to Norton, who dressed in regal Naval attire, and performed daily inspections of local communities. Our intrepid leader had more sway with the public than you might imagine, being known to calm rioters using nothing more than words.
In 1880, Norton tragically collapsed and perished. A procession two miles long, comprised of more than 30,000 mourners, attended our fallen helmsman’s final rites. A local business association bestowed Nor-ton with the finest of rosewood caskets. San Francisco footed the bill for his funerary service, and regional newspapers ran obituaries with headlines reading the likes of "The King is Dead."
For more than 20 years, San Franciscans treated Joshua Norton as what he professed to be, the Emperor of the United States.
The San Francisco Bay Bridge — an incredible expansion connecting the metropolises of Oakland and San Francisco — now stands in this sultan's name. Ostensibly, during Norton's 14th year of power, he decreed funding for a viaduct uniting the two municipalities. Although the bridge wasn't completed until 64 years after his demise, one questions whether the millions of commuters annually traversing this overpass realize they owe their ease of travel to their one and only emperor.
Sources:
Books:
Bishop, Greg; Oesterle, Joe; Marinacci, Mike. (2006). Weird California: Your Travel Guide to California's Local Legends and Best Kept Secrets. p. 30. Sterling Publishing Co., Inc. ISBN: 1402733844
Online Sources:
Emperor Norton:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emperor_Norton
Until the late 1990s, the WE.177 — Britain’s last air-delivered nuclear bomb — was fully armed with the turn of a simple bicycle key.
If you haven't seen a WE.177 undergoing a simulated activation sequence, watch the video on the last link in the Bibliography for this chapter. It's frightening, considering World War III could have been triggered by some lone nut with an ordinary key that fits into a bicycle lock.
No intricate codes were necessary when arming a WE.177. There was, however, a metal panel one needed to open in order to gain access to the lock that contained the key.
"Whew!" you breathe a sigh of relief, as you assume this precautionary measure must've provided ample protection from terrorists.
Guess again. This panel, itself, had no lock on it, and could be pried open with a fingernail.
Makes ya' feel all warm and fuzzy, doesn't it? It’s a wonder some GED-huggin' military moron with more stripes than a zebra hasn't bombed us all into the Stone Age already.
Sources:
Online Sources:
British Nukes Armed with a Bicycle Lock Key:
http://www.wired.com/2007/11/british-nukes-a/
British Nukes Were Protected by Bike Locks:
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=4ad_1227686113
Known as Fu-Gos, the United States was the intended target of 9,300 of these incendiary devices.
"How come we're not aware of this?!" you cry.
First off, the U.S. media did an excellent job keeping these weapons of war under wraps. Secondly, nowhere near all 9,300 Fu-Gos reached their predetermined destination.
It was the late stages of World War II, and the Allied Forces had victory in sight. The Pacific Axis Powers were searching for anything with which to turn the tide. Enter the Fu-Go; a.k.a. fire balloon.
Since technology enabling an overseas adversary to bomb the Continental U.S. had yet to be developed, Japanese Forces concocted an alternate plan. Fu-Gos, 33 foot diameter inflatable balloons, carrying somewhere between 26 and 33 pounds of explosives, were launched into the winds of the Jet Stream, and directed toward the United States. Calculated to detonate after crossing the Pacific, these weapons of war were intended to ignite a string of forest fires, thereby causing widespread damage and hysteria.
Although this scheme sounds like a last-ditch effort, the Japanese had actually been developing this offensive since 1933. During the two years prior to the Fu-Go launchings, Asian Axis Powers studied the Jet Stream between Japan and the United States, in efforts to make their silent, floating attack possible. Believe it or not, these ingenious flying bombs were a precursor to the Intercontinental Ballistic Missile.
Initially, Japanese forces planned on launching their deadly balloons from submarines, located some 600 miles from the U.S. West Coast. This plan may have proven successful, had the submersibles in question not been called away at the last second to aid troops fighting in Guadalcanal. As such, Japan was forced to redesign their balloon bombs, in order to traverse the 60-plus hour, 6,200 mile trek across the Pacific.
Upwards of 1,000 Fu-Gos completed the oceanic journey, and six Americans were killed as a result. This devastation wasn't nearly what the Japanese had envisioned. Because these buoyant weapons were discharged during the fall and winter months in North America, heavier precipitation kept forest fires from becoming a hazard. In addition, a number of these bombs ditched in the Pacific, due to mechanical malfunctions.
It's been theorized that should the Japanese military have outfitted the Fu-Gos to disperse biological agents, their efforts would have been far more decimating. As it was, only the censorship of the U.S. media kept these deadly devices from causing mass hysteria. Silent killers floating into one's yard might have been enough to panic a nation.
In fact, United States forces compiled numerous ac-counts, like those below, illustrating that, should the public have been informed of Fu-Gos, there was potential for widespread frenzy:
A father and son on an early morning fishing trip were just settling down when they observed a parachute or balloon-like object drift silently by and over a nearby hill. Moments later an explosion echoed through the valley leaving only a small trace of smoke coming from the direction in which the object had disappeared. By the time the two reached the area of the incident, fragments of paper were the only thing unusual in the silence of the north woods.
Had reports similar to the following been made public, it becomes understandable how a U.S. populace could find itself in a heightened state of alert:
A mother tucking her sleeping child in for the night was shocked by a sudden flash of light through the window followed instantly by the sharp crack of an explosion in the silent darkness.
Fire balloons have been uncovered in 19 total states: Alaska, Arizona, California, Colorado, Hawaii, Idaho, Iowa, Kansas, Michigan, Montana, Nebraska, Nevada, North Dakota, Oregon, South Dakota, Texas, Utah, Washington and Wyoming, as well as the countries of Canada and Mexico.
Of the 1,000 Fu-Gos speculated to have reached the North American continent, roughly 300 have been re-covered. That leaves 700, considered live and unaccounted for, in the remote regions of Canada, Mexico and the U.S. Following the Fu-Go attacks, Japanese propaganda implied the balloons were a "prelude to something big.” Many historians believe this pending offensive was comprised of massive planes filled with explosives, and only enough fuel for a one way, kamikaze trip to the U.S.
It was also alluded to that should the Fu-Go barrage have proven successful, 62 foot diameter balloons — each carrying a single Japanese soldier prepared to wreak havoc on U.S. soil — were being considered.
One fire balloon actually did have a significant effect on the war. This Fu-Go exploded within Washington state, subsequently shutting down the Hanford Nu-clear Power Plant, where components for the Little Boy and Fat Man atomic devices were being developed. An automatic safety procedure kicked in, and production of radioactive material came to a halt for three days, thus delaying the eventual nuclear blitzkriegs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
It should be noted the Japanese did attack the U.S. mainland with an aerial vehicle other than balloons. Documented as the Lookout Air Raid, this incident occurred on the evening of September 9, 1942. Pilot Nobuo Fujita had taken off in a Yokosuka E14Y sea plane, launched from a submarine aircraft carrier in the Pacific. The Yokosuka came complete with folded wings, allowing it to be stored inside the submersible, prior to departure. Once the submarine had reached its intended coordinates, it sounded, and the plane was rolled onto the deck. From there, the aircraft was launched, and flown to its destination.
In the particular case of the Lookout Air Raid, the tar-get was Mount Emily, near Brookings, Oregon. It was here that Nobuo dropped a pair of 170 pound incendiary devices, in attempts to ignite a forest fire. The offensive proved unsuccessful when no serious damage was inflicted.
That didn't stop the Japanese from a second attempt, however, which yielded similar results, on September 29 of the same year.
Sources:
Books:
Jessen, Kenneth. (2005). Colorado's Strangest: A Legacy of Bizarre Events and Eccentric People. J.V. Publications. ISBN: 1928656048
Mikesh, Robert C. (1973). Japan's World War II Balloon Bomb Attacks on North America. Smithsonian Institution Press. ISBN: 0874749115
Boston Corbett — the man who murdered John Wilkes Booth — escaped from an insane asylum, lived in a ditch in an open field, and removed his own testicles with a pair of scissors. B.C., baby. The ultimate multi-tasker!
I could inform you that John Wilkes Booth was Abraham Lincoln’s assassin, but if this fact already eludes you, high school history teachers are overpaid.
I could further elucidate that Boston Corbett was actually Thomas P. Corbett, having changed his name in honor of Beantown, but that truth pales in comparison to the opening paragraph.
I could explain how Corbett was never given the order to shoot John Wilkes Booth, and did so through slats between wall boards at a location known as Garrett's Farm. But, honestly, who cares?
Since I couldn't make the tale of Boston Corbett any weirder, unless I lied, claiming he was the latest host of The View, I’ll just allow you to re-read the initial paragraph of this chapter.
For those who enjoy slowing down at gruesome traffic accidents, Boston cut a one inch slit at the base of his scrotum, pulled his rocks out, and amputated 'em with a pair of scissors.
"But, why?!" you ask.
Apparently, Corbett lusted the company of prostitutes a little more than he felt comfortable with, and took the following quote from Matthew, Chapter 18, quite literally:
If your hand or your foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life maimed or crippled than to have two hands or two feet and be thrown into eternal fire. And if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye, than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell.
Certain his huevos were causing him to transgress, Boston was given impetus with which to do the deed.
Tell me Richard Dawkins wouldn't have a field day with this one.
Upon removing a good portion of what his Y-chromosome naturally bequeathed him, Boston attended a prayer assembly, and zealously partook of a sumptuous meal.
Sources:
Books:
Swanson, James L. (2006). Manhunt: The 12-Day Chase for Lincoln's Killer. Harper Collins Publishers. ISBN: 0060518499
It's big. Rose Bowl-sized big.
It's bad. 510 megatons of TNT bad.
What would that type of firepower equate to? Well, the largest nuclear weapon ever detonated was the Tsar Bomba, a Soviet hydrogen bomb yielding roughly 50 megatons of destructive force. Simultaneously discharge 10 of those babies, and you'd have a pretty good idea.
Fat Man — the nuclear device dropped on Nagasaki, Japan, in 1945 — was equivalent to 21 kilotons, no-where near a single megaton of dynamite. Keep in mind, 1,000 kilotons equal a megaton. Most estimates assert roughly 39,000 folks perished immediately from this blast.
Now, consider a force thousands of times greater. I’m no mathematician, but it sounds like something of that magnitude could result in tens of millions of human deaths.
So, what precisely am I referring to? Known as 99942 Apophis, it's a near-Earth asteroid racing toward the celestial body we call home.
In this particular case, the term near-Earth does not denote an object, as of yet, adjacent this planet. Instead, in the year 2029, Apophis is calculated to pass closer to us than communications satellites in geosynchronous orbit.
The troubling news comes from what's known as the "keyhole" — a theoretical window through which this asteroid may pass as it glides by Earth. Should Apophis thread this region — which is roughly 2,000 feet wide — it will return once again in the year 2036, striking the planet with 510 megatons of awesome force.
Astronomers have calculated that if Apophis impacts Earth, it'll do so in the Pacific Ocean, somewhere between Hawaii and San Francisco. Where this chunk of space debris traverses the keyhole becomes an important factor. A little to either side of this hypothetical portal, and the asteroid could hit further inland, or further out to sea.
The problem stems from the fact there isn't only one keyhole. In truth, there are thousands. This means, even if Apophis fails to pass through the 2,000 foot wide ingress, it's gonna thread some keyhole. As a result, the asteroid will return at a date beyond 2036 to hit the planet.
"So, what's gonna happen when it does?" you tensely inquire.
Picture a tsunami so immense it obliterates not only the entire West Coast of North America, but Hawaii, Japan, and all the nations of the Pacific Rim. A tidal wave that makes the Indonesian Tsunami of 2004 seem like a lap pool.
"How come we haven't heard about this?!" you query.
Actually you have. Chances are, like most individuals, you've engaged in other, more pressing activities; i.e. perusing Facebook, obsessing over the next American Idol, or determining whether or not Kirstie Alley is fat this week. Apophis has been in the news. You’ve had more than enough opportunity to read about it. You just haven't.
Yes, you may find this chapter depressing, but it need not be. Humans maintain the level of intellect that could render Apophis a pleasant sighting in the nighttime sky, as opposed to a catastrophic asteroid.
Even though every technologically advanced country on this planet is aware of Apophis, not much is being done to mitigate the problem it poses. You'd think something of this nature would be top priority. Unfortunately, it seems most governments have their hands full starting wars. We have numerous space programs, and although we've allegedly been to the Moon, we haven't returned in 38 years. It's the same scenario. We can do something, but instead, we don't.
On the bright side, scientists have proposed methods for averting Apophis. Such scenarios include a gravity tractor — a spacecraft launched to divert the asteroid’s path, without touching the celestial body. The gravitational field of this discharged probe, once adjacent Apophis, would, in theory, drag the space debris from a collision course with Earth.
A second method of mitigation is known as kinetic impact — actually striking the asteroid with an object. A sizable spacecraft, traveling at high enough velocity, may knock Apophis off its current course.
Don Quijote — a mission undertaken by the European Space Agency — is the first kinetic impact deflection strategy with the potential of being tested. Unfortunately, Donny Boy is still in its blueprint stage. Thus, there's no way of knowing whether or not D.Q. could prevent an asteroid from colliding with Earth.
Focused solar energy is another option. Such a technique merely involves construction of a massive space station — comprised of enormous lenses and a gargantuan magnifying glass — directed toward the Sun. Why don't we just build a second Moon, and place it in orbit, while we're at it? In theory, these reflective devices would capture solar energy, and aim it toward the asteroid. Over an extended period of time, this conductivity may alter Apophis' path.
A fourth alternative involves attaching a "plasma engine, powered by a nuclear reactor" to the hunk of space junk, firing it, and thereby, pushing the celestial body off course. The problem here is that Apophis is pretty big, and traveling at an ample rate of speed.
It would require profuse firepower, over an extended period of time, to create a change in the space rock’s trajectory. As long as the reactor continued working, though, it may be a good option.
Unfortunately, Apophis — like all asteroids — is spinning. As a result, scientists would have to devise some sort of method for firing the plasma engine at continually changing intervals, so the celestial body doesn't veer back into harm's way.
"Couldn't we just blow the hell out of Apophis? We've got more nukes than we need. Why not send a couple skyward, and annihilate this hunk of cosmic clutter?"
Great idea! This is probably the worst defensive strategy we could engage in. Nuking an asteroid may reduce it to fragments, but then you’re left with thou-sands of smaller asteroids headed toward Earth. Plus, resultant of the Partial Test Ban Treaty, it's been illegal to detonate atomic weapons in space since 1963.
Additionally, Apophis' composition may absorb nuclear devices launched its way. It's been proven numerous asteroids are as dense as Styrofoam. Should Apophis be one of these objects, it would simply suck up as many missiles as we could pump into it.
Currently, these proposals are nothing more than theories. We don't know if any would work. Ideally, scientists would love to have a hundred year advanced notice regarding potential impactors. Since these mitigation plans concern altering an asteroid's path over an extended period of time, the longer one has to do so, the better. If a celestial body was a hundred years from Earth, we'd need to deflect it far less than than an object a year from impact.
Most astronomers assert detection of space debris ten years prior to collision is sufficient time to avert disaster. Well, 2029 isn't that far off, and we don't have a defensive strategy anywhere near in place.
If you're wondering about the odds of you being killed by an asteroid, they're approximately the same as dying in a plane crash, one in nearly 700,000. Roughly a couple dozen folks have been wasted by stellar scraps over the last 400 years. This number is deceiving, as Earth tends to be hit by something sizable on an aver-age of every two centuries.
In 1908, 300 square miles of Tunguska, Siberia, were obliterated by either an asteroid or comet that exploded above the middle of nowhere. Had this object discharged over New York City, we would've witnessed millions of deaths. After all, this event yielded a blast somewhere between five and 30 megatons.
To paraphrase astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson, let's not be the dumb-asses of the Universe. We possess advanced intellect. Dinosaurs had brains the size of pebbles, and they were wiped out by a cosmic impact. Should we suffer the same fate, in the midst of our heightened intelligence, we'd only have ourselves to blame.
Sources:
Books:
Plait, Philip, Ph.D. (2008). Death From the Skies: These Are the Ways the World Will End. Penguin Books Ltd. ISBN: 0670019976
Tyson, Neil deGrasse. (2007). Death by Black Hole: And Other Cosmic Quandaries. W.W. Norton & Company, Inc. ISBN: 0393062244
You stand inside the opened aft stairs of a Boeing 727. The plane beneath your feet races at 200 miles per hour. You stare into a vacuous night sky that defines pitch black. The wind outside the aircraft plummets the temperature to below freezing. The weight of the ten thousand $20 bills strapped to your body bogs you down like proverbial cement shoes. The bomb in your briefcase may as well be a severed, human head. The parachute on your back? You're not certain if it works, because the person who packed it wants you dead. You've smoked enough Raleigh filter-tipped coffin nails in the past two hours to keep the tobacco industry in business until 1975. It's 1971. Your gut is full of cheap bourbon. What do you do?
If you're D.B. Cooper, the only answer to that question is, "Jump!"
The evening sky was anything but calm that night when a wiry man, garbed in business attire and prescription sunglasses, took his seat aboard Northwest Orient Airlines flight 305 at Portland International Airport in Oregon. A meager $18.52 had gotten him this far. He had paid for his E-ticket thrill ride in cash.
It wasn't long after the plane's departure that same man calmly handed "Flo" Schaffner, the nearest flight attendant, a note. Used to the attention from male passengers, Florence assumed the average looking traveler was bequeathing her another phone number for the circular file. She pocketed the scrap of paper that quietly fed her ego.
Leaning in, the man proceeded to elucidate, "Miss, you'd better look at that note. I have a bomb."
Opening his briefcase enough so the terrified stewardess could view a pair of maroon cylinders, cables and a battery, the man — whose name appeared as "Dan Cooper" on the passenger list — drove his point home with sledgehammer force, "No funny stuff." The traveler — in his mid-40s and somewhere near six feet tall — demanded $200,000 in used $20 bills, and two sets of parachutes.
As the plane lurched into the mouth of a hungry tempest, the remainder of the commuters white knuckled their way through the meteorological predicament, unaware a hijacking was taking place.
"This was a desperate act...something you would expect from somebody who had nothing to lose," asserted Ralph Himmelsbach — retired FBI agent who devoted more than two decades hunting Dan Cooper, later dubbed "D.B." by an ill-informed journalist.
Prior to landing at Seattle-Tacoma International Airport, pilot William Scott contacted authorities, who echoed the hijacker's stipulations to the FBI.
Both the aircraft’s crew, and those on the ground, complied with Cooper's demands. In an act of expeditious thinking, FBI agents amassed a ransom comprised entirely of bills printed in 1969, all containing serial numbers starting with the letter "L," and all issued by the Federal Reserve Bank of San Francisco. Amazingly, officials were able to photograph each and every note, thereby retaining records of the individual serial numbers on the currency.
As the cash and parachutes were loaded onto the plane, D.B. Cooper allowed his fellow passengers, as well as stewardess Florence Schaffner, to evacuate the aircraft. Three people total — pilot William Scott, the flight's first officer and one attendant — stayed on board with their hijacker.
On the ground, puzzled FBI officials pondered Cooper’s motives for requesting extra parachutes. Did he have an accomplice on board? Was he planning the pilot, first officer and attendant jettison the aircraft with him?
Once the plane was refueled, and D.B.'s demands were met, the hijacker ordered the jet become airborne, this time en route to Reno, Nevada. Cooper demanded Scott fly at no more than 200 miles per hour, at an abnormally low altitude of 10,000 feet. When the aircraft was securely aloft, D.B. sent the remaining flight attendant to the cockpit, leaving himself alone in the cabin.
At approximately 8:13 PM, over southwestern Washington state, the crew observed an emergency light flashing, signifying the aft stairs of the plane had suddenly been opened. Shortly, thereafter, a change in air pressure was noted. Moments later, the crew collectively felt the aircraft jolt, as if someone had vacated the jumbo jet. At this point, weather conditions were so unforgiving, a pair of F-106 fighters pursuing the airliner had been unable to witness Cooper's daring escape.
What would compel a middle aged man, clad in nothing more than flimsy business garb and loafers, to jump from an altitude of 10,000 feet into a driving rainstorm, over uncharted wilderness?
"If the cold didn't kill him," asserted Ralph Himmelsbach, "if he withstood the powerful turbulence, Cooper was still parachuting into a dense forest at night, at the onset of winter, with no food or survival gear."
Was D.B. Cooper insane, or one of the single greatest criminals in recorded history? The fact the hijacker's remains have yet to be recovered may point to the latter. Not only have authorities failed to uncover Cooper’s body, but the parachute, briefcase, money-bag and most of the ransom D.B. had on him when he jumped, are still missing. Nobody, outside of perhaps Cooper himself, is certain where he landed. In fact, the only physical reminder of this mysterious figure was the hijacker’s mother of pearl tie clip, which officials discovered on board the Boeing 727, following the incident.
Subsequent to an unsuccessful ground search over the area where authorities felt D.B. may have come to rest, it was concluded Cooper had either been killed during his free-fall, or sometime after landing. Even so, no physical proof verifies either conclusion.
But the story of D.B. Cooper doesn't end there.
Late 1978. A placard containing directions for the correct procedure of lowering the aft stairs of a Boeing 727 is discovered near D.B. Cooper's theorized drop zone.
February 10, 1980. Whilst on a picnic with his family, eight year old Brian Ingram discovers $5,800 in deteriorating $20 bills, along the shoreline of the Columbia River. Authorities authenticating the serial numbers on the cash determined they matched those of the legal tender D.B. had on him when leaping from the aircraft. To date, this is the only portion of the stolen money recovered.
For many, D.B. Cooper has become a folk hero, having committed the perfect crime. After all, at that particular time, he was the only hijacker of a domes-tic plane to escape capture.
The FBI's official search for Cooper, dubbed Norjak, is open to this day. Local eateries, taverns and towns in southwestern Washington state continue to celebrate an annual event known as D.B. Cooper Days, in which the memory of a legend is honored, and mass quantities of alcohol are consumed.
Sources:
Technically, aren't we mere minutes from nuclear annihilation at any given moment? Moreover, why does this fail to infuriate us? How come the fact that governments dangle our lives over the precipice of decimation every single second, isn't a bone of contention the size of a Tyrannosaurus rex femur?
The title of this chapter became a much more imminent reality on January 25, 1995. Oddly enough, most of us still aren't aware of it.
The U.S. and Russia nearly ended humankind on the aforementioned day. We're talkin' eradication of you, your family, and everyone on the planet.
If you're reading this chapter, there's a strong chance you were entertaining cognitive thoughts on January 25, 1995. On that date, perhaps you found yourself:
A) driving a car.
B) driving a stolen car.
C) trapped in the Grotto at the Playboy Mansion.
For your sake, I hope you were immersed in letter C, as it was quite nearly the last act of your life.
In order to study the aurora borealis, Norway and the U.S. had jointly launched a harmless Black Brant XII rocket. Although Russia was informed of this exercise, for whatever reason, the message wasn’t received via proper channels. As such, somewhere near dawn, the Kremlin believed they were under an unprovoked nuclear attack. President Boris Yeltsin was rallied from slumber and given the sobering news.
Out comes the Russian version of the Nuclear Football, the suitcase containing launch authorization for every warhead owned by the largest country in the world. To be precise, three black attaches — known as Cheget — were opened that morning. One was presided over by Yeltsin, while the other two were handled by Minister of Defense Pavel Grachev and Chief of the General Staff Mikhail Kolesnikov.
Whether or not to discharge thousands of nukes isn't a decision that should fall upon the shoulders of somnolent men. Moreover, these dudes had 10 minutes to reach their resolution. This is how long it took American missiles launched from submarines in the Barents Sea to impact Russian soil.
Moments prior to dispatch, radar operators observed the missile in question heading toward the ocean, and the heightened state of emergency was cancelled. The end of humanity, as well as every living thing on Earth, except for cockroaches and insurance sales-men, was avoided.
Makes a person wonder if this type of scenario has played out more than once. Well, it has, but those stories will have to wait for subsequent volumes.
One question before I determine what's at the bottom of this bottle of bourbon. Doesn't the concept of commencing a counterattack in response to a nuclear first strike seem ludicrous? Say Russia fires their missiles initially. Resultant of this act, perhaps half of humanity will die. Wouldn't it be far more advantageous for the U.S. to not launch a retaliatory strike, and thereby save half our species?
Sources:
Books:
Kick, Russ. (2003). 50 Things You're Not Supposed To Know. The Disinformation Company Ltd. ISBN: 0971394288
After the closing of World War II, approximately 500 Nazi scientists — many labelled war criminals — were clandestinely granted immunity by the United States government. These individuals were given lucrative careers within U.S. developmental sectors, via a directive known as Operation Paperclip.
The aforementioned program was a post-WWII mad dash to capture the most promising Nazi minds, before British and Soviet intelligence could do the same.
"How come we've never heard of this?" you question.
How many sonless mothers in middle America would be screaming for the President’s head, if they knew men responsible for their children's deaths were being granted freedom?
Wernher von Braun. Name ring a bell? It should if you were hangin' around during the Space Race of the '50s and '60s. Ol' Wern was one of those 500 Nazi scientists secretly snagged.
Recall how the U.S. scrambled to accomplish off-planet records, but the "Ruskies" kept beatin' 'em to the punch? Sputnik in '57; Sputnik 2 with doomed-to-die Laika the dog; Yuri Gagarin in Vostok 1; the first woman in space; the first mission employing pressurized space suits.
The Soviets always seemed one step ahead. That is, until Wernher and his crew hit the scene. Whilst working for the Third Reich, von Braun invented the V-2 rocket, another precursor to Intercontinental Ballistic Missiles. And I thought my resume was impressive with the whole 42 words per minute thing. The V-2 was responsible for killing roughly 6,000 innocent civilians in World War II, as well as approximately 12,000 concentration camp prisoners used as slave labor in its mass production. While toiling for the United States, Wernher and his team also created the Saturn V rockets that carried U.S. Apollo astronauts to the Moon.
Von Braun's nefarious origins, like those of all German scientists freed from execution, were kept secret by the U.S. government. Although Wernher claimed to have been opposed to the cruel treatment of inmates at the rocket-making facilities, numerous war camp prisoners testified the scientist had a direct hand in their torture.
French former captive Guy Morand declared:
Without even listening to my explanations, [von Braun] ordered the Meister to have me given 25 strokes...Then, judging that the strokes weren't sufficiently hard, he ordered I be flogged more vigorously…von Braun made me translate that I deserved much more, that in fact I deserved to be hanged...I would say his cruelty, of which I was personally a victim, is an eloquent testimony to his Nazi fanaticism.
Prisoner Robert Cazzabone professed von Braun observed, without protest, as numerous internees were manacled and hanged from hoists about the V-2 factories. Many of these inmates wouldn't live to see the end of the war.
Wernher von Braun was technical director of the Peenemunde V-2 Production Plant. He also played an integral role at the Mittelwerk rocket-making factory beneath the city of Nordhausen. At both locations, concentration camp prisoners were forced into labor under horrific conditions.
Upwards of 10 captives per day were hanged to death at Peenemunde for the most minor infractions. Since more individuals died as a result of the V-2's construction, than during its deployment as a weapon, it's difficult to believe von Braun had no knowledge of the suffering occurring in his own facilities.
Following the war, Wernher — a prior SS officer — not only became a naturalized citizen of the U.S., but also Director of Nasa. Von Braun — an individual with no less than 18,000 deaths on his head — ended up acting in educational films for Walt Disney. It's a small world, after all.
Criminals doomed to war trials, and subsequent execution, were spared when Operation Paperclip rolled into Germany. Because many of these men were SS members, they were automatically disqualified from possessing international visas. This once insurmountable roadblock became a mere speed bump for a U.S. government hellbent on using the greatest scientific minds to further its own military dominance.
Most of the men scooped up by Operation Paperclip were squirreled away at White Sands Proving Ground, New Mexico; Fort Bliss, Texas; and Huntsville, Alabama. These enemies, mere months prior, were now shaping the U.S. military infrastructure.
Although Operation Paperclip seems a huge slap in the face to those Allies who died in World War II, it wasn't the only Top Secret program of its kind. The United States also deployed Operation Alsos, an attempt to wrangle Nazi scientists on the forefront of nuclear technology. TICOM, a clandestine American effort to secure Axis cryptography virtuosos, was also commenced.
When this type of illicit behavior is undertaken, it's difficult to discern the good guys from the bad. How can a government justify allowing malefactors, responsible for killing millions, to simply go free? Moreover, how many folks realized, as they marveled at Apollo 11 reaching the Moon, that a handful of Nazi war criminals was one of the reasons it got there?
Sources:
Books:
Birnes, William J. (2004). The UFO Magazine UFO Encyclopedia: The Most Comprehensive Single-Volume UFO Reference in Print. Pocket Books, a division of Simon & Schuster, Inc. ISBN: 0743466748
Piccard, George. (1999). Liquid Conspiracy (Mind Control and Conspiracy Series). Adventures Unlimited Press. ISBN: 0932813577
Folks livin' in either Faro or Goldsboro, North Carolina, can take the above title literally.
Think the U.S. has never been under nuclear attack?
Think again.
The year was 1961. The Cuban Missile Crisis was 20 months from exploding into an international incident. Vigilant regarding a potential Soviet strike, America failed to protect its shores against its own worst enemy — itself.
Operation Chrome Dome kept B-52s — equipped with live thermonuclear weapons — flying above the Continental U.S. on a constant basis. These bombers made unsuspecting Americans vulnerable to accidental nuclear attack by their own military, 365 days a year.
Perpetually sustaining a plane in the air will, in time, wear that aircraft down. On January 24, 1961, a B-52 en route to Seymour Johnson Air Force Base — adjacent Goldsboro, North Carolina — experienced such a scenario. Sometime after midnight, fire broke out in the plane's fuselage, when metal exhaustion sparked seepage in one of the bomber's fuel tanks. Three of the crew perished in their attempts to escape before the plane combusted.
Separating from the aircraft, a pair of Mark 39 thermonuclear explosives hurtled toward the ground. Although both devices came equipped with parachutes, only one of these safety apparatuses deployed. Consequently, one of the two bombs plummeted into a muddy field, after reaching a velocity close to the speed of sound.
Five of six safeguard mechanisms deactivated on the first of the two bombs, leaving a single trigger to prevent detonation. The second munition plunged headlong into the marshy earth, creating an impact crater five feet deep and 10 feet wide.
The military retrieved the former device, and rummaged for the latter — which was beneath swampy soil — perhaps moments from exploding. Excavations for the lost munition were carried out in secret, as the government alerted the media they were hunting for a missing seat from the plane crash. Since the search cost taxpayers half a million dollars, that must have been one really comfortable chair!
The first portions of the bomb were uncovered eight feet below the surface. More remnants were dredged from 12 and 15 feet. At close to 20 feet, chunks of the detonators and arming triggers were unearthed. When the military finally abandoned their efforts to uncover crucial elements of the device — including its plutonium core — the hole in the ground was 50 feet deep and 200 feet in diameter.
The pit was refilled in attempts to conceal what horror still awaits beneath. The owner of the land was allowed to replant crops he had cultivated prior to the crash, but was prohibited from ever digging in the location’s general proximity. Although detonation of the device is no longer an issue, irradiation will be a concern for longer than it takes Dick Van Patten to be determined People magazine's Sexiest Man Alive.
In our bonus round, see if you can guess which country on the planet the United States has nuked most. If you concluded "itself," you're correct, and win a free, lifetime supply of radioactive fallout.
One thousand twenty-one nuclear detonations at the Nevada Test Site, alone, and we still credulously believe the exponential increase in cancers is predominantly hereditary.
Sources:
Books:
Kick, Russ. (2003). 50 Things You're Not Supposed To Know. The Disinformation Company Ltd. ISBN: 0971394288
Online Movies:
Trials of Flight: A Special Addition: Lost Bombs:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PivMnCgO8n0
Online Sources:
Broken Arrow: Goldsboro, NC:
http://www.ibiblio.org/bomb/
Goldsboro, North Carolina:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goldsboro,_North_Carolina
Mark 39 nuclear bomb:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/W39
Nevada Test Site:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nevada_National_Security_Site
Operation Chrome Dome:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operation_Chrome_Dome
While people enslaved themselves with the strips of cotton and linen they called “money,” the asteroid hurtled toward Earth. Unaware, the volitional vassals prayed their pointless jobs would hasten by. This was how they chose to spend their trivial existences. Ironically, their final moments of life would almost invariably consist of begging for more time.
To the asteroid, none of this mattered. It was a hunk of errant space debris on a collision course with a celestial body in the middle of nowhere. It was neither compassionate, nor sentient. It was simply part of a vast Universe that cared nothing for man-made contrivances like money, politics or religion.
Half a decade ago, it had been well within the ability of these humans to divert the asteroid, via technology. They had chosen to be imprisoned by implements of their own design, as opposed to addressing fixable problems. As the plunging rock breached the Earth's ionosphere, people developed ulcers over their mortgages. As the impending doom cleared the planet's stratosphere, more than one billion individuals where on the verge of starving to death.
Insipid television shows were hungrily devoured. Wars were waged and people clung to their fallacious deities, even though these same gods had allowed nearly half their families to die of cancer caused by nuclear weapons testing.
The Chicxulub asteroid that purportedly eradicated the dinosaurs was roughly six miles in diameter. The celestial body streaking toward Earth on this day in 2002 was nowhere near that size. Still, at 30 feet across, it would lay waste to more than 100,000 humans in the blink of an eye.
Interacting with the gases encircling the planet, the asteroid began to heat up. Where the prodigious projectile struck would be anybody's guess.
Roughly a dozen individuals, worldwide, were tasked with keeping vigil for incoming space debris. This was due to a lack of funding, which was tied to the useless and destructive nature of the monetary system.
As the asteroid ignited, a paltry amount of monitoring mechanisms scanned the sky for biotic rubble. Since this machinery was so meager, objects less than a kilometer in diameter were rarely ever detected. Even if they were, nobody had bankrolled subsidies for a mitigation program to prevent the type of collision that was about to occur.
The asteroid — now a flaming mass of annihilation — hurtled toward Earth, and not a single human was so much as aware.
The previous scenario may sound like a chapter from an apocalyptic novel, but it describes an actual event in 2002. Fortunately for the inhabitants of Earth, the asteroid in question exploded in the sky somewhere above the Mediterranean Sea. This detonation — due to intense contact with atmospheric gases — generated 26 kilotons of devastating force.
The Little Boy atomic device — dropped on Hiroshima, Japan — detonated with 13 to 18 kilotons of lethality. Fat Man — deployed over Nagasaki — yielded a 21 kiloton blast.
What's become known as the 2002 Eastern Mediterranean Event was more powerful than either.
Even more disquieting, for the reasons stated above, not a sole human knew this errant asteroid was Earthbound, until it exploded in the atmosphere. Only then were scientists able to detect the projectile's latent presence.
Had this biotic rubble detonated over a populated land mass, the destruction would have been colossal.
India and Pakistan — both possessing nuclear arsenals — were on the verge of war. These two countries are equipped with ineffectual early warning technology. As a result, should the asteroid in question have exploded over either nation, it could have easily been mistaken for a thermonuclear onslaught.
In this case, a nuclear counterattack would have occurred. The result may have been the beginning of World War III. The ensuing confusion could have terminated in other nuclear capable countries deploying their stockpiles.
Even so, nations continue to make military spending their highest priority. To any rational species trapped in a cosmic shooting gallery, the top concern should be an escape plan from the celestial body upon which they find themselves incarcerated. If humanity were suddenly faced with having to fend off a sizable asteroid, pandemic or supervolcano eruption, we'd be doomed. We have no place to run. In addition, we only have ourselves to blame, since we engage in in-significant ideologies — like money, politics and religion — that waste time we should be spending on formulating a solution.
Obviously, the author is not an advocate of the monetary system, politics or religion. He realizes to entertain such archaic, and pernicious ideologies is to court disaster.
As a species, we’ve been bequeathed ample warning. In light of our technological capabilities, to lay the foundation for our own demise is lunacy.
Sources:
Online Sources:
2002 MN:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2002_MN
Asteroid's Near-Miss with Earth:
https://www.newscientist.com/article/dn2444-asteroids-near-miss-with-earth/
Fat Man:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fat_Man
Little Boy:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Little_Boy
Military Perspectives on Near-Earth Object (NEO) Threat:
http://www.spaceref.com/news/viewpr.html?pid=8834
Near-Earth object:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Near-Earth_object#2002_Eastern_Mediterranean_event